The methods that I've been using to deal with my problems are way too destructive. I picture myself being a successful specialist, loving what I do and changing the lives of others, earning lots of money to give mum and dad a life so good its beyond their imagination and having settled down with J. At the rate I'm coping with my problems, that is never going to materialize, ever. I am afraid, very afraid. I cannot afford to and I don't want to fail, to be such a disappointment. I have had enough of the shit that I created, it's high time to stop and so I will.
